I don't really have a lot to say these days. No that's a lie. I have a lot to say. I just don't feel up to saying it. So I'll continue to let others speak for me for a while maybe.

So you walked with me for a while
Bared your naked soul
And you told me of your plan
How you would never let them know
In the morning of the night
You cried a long lost child
And I tried oh I tried to hold you
But you were young
And you were wild
But I, I will never be the same
Oh I, I will never be the same
Caught in your eyes
Lost in your name
I will never be the same
Secrets of your life
I never wanted for myself
But you guarded them like a lie
Placed up on the highest shelf
In the morning of the night
When I woke to find you gone
I knew your distant devil
Must be draggin you along
But I, I will never be the same
Oh I, I will never be the same
Caught in your eyes
Lost in your name
I will never be the same
And you swore that you were bound for glory
And for wanting you had no shame
But I loved you
And then I lost you
And I will never be the same
But I, I will never be the same
Oh I, I will never be the same
Caught in your eyes
Lost in your name
I will never be the same

I will never be the same
Melissa Etheridge

Stayed in bed all morning just to pass the time
There's something wrong here, there can be no denying
One of us is changing
Or maybe we just stopped trying

And it's too late, baby, now it's too late
Though we really did try to make it
Something inside has died
And I can't hide and I just can't fake it

It used to be so easy living here with you
You were light and breezy and I knew just what to do
Now you look so unhappy and I feel like a fool

And it's too late, baby, now it's too late
Though we really did try to make it
Something inside has died
And I can't hide and I just can't fake it

There'll be good times again for me and you
But we just can't stay together, don't you feel it, too
Still I'm glad for what we had and how I once loved you

But it's too late, baby, now it's too late
Though we really did try to make it
Something inside has died and I can't hide
And I just can't fake it

It’s Too Late
Carole King

Today she announced that I need to put the kids in daycare. Is it venting or for real?

The rain was hot, the streets were empty
As downtown closed her eyes
The movie house stood in silence as I said my last good-byes
Her silver screen was stained with memories
As Cagney shot them down
And as I watched I was that hero
In dreamlands lost and found
Oh my God, well we both are empty Paradise and me
Do you believe I'm still chasing rainbows
When everywhere I see
Lonely People, Lonely People
Up above these ghetto streets
In penthouse suites they sit and stare
Lonely People, Lonely People
They smile and say they're fine
But behind their eyes they just don't care
Lonely People
They just don't care
Lonely People, Lonely People
Lonely People, Lonely People
Beneath these neon streets in subway seats they crowd for air
Lonely People, Lonely People
So close and yet so far they share the secrets of despair
Lonely People, Lonely People

Lonely People
Styx

I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills 'till the landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life
I don't know
Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too
Oh, take my love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well maybe the landslide will bring it down

Landslide
Fleetwood Mac

Confusion

It's funny how I am very black and white when it comes to things. I'm a follow the rules, by the book, never anything in between kind of person. Yet DP's hot and cold personality drives me nuts. But I guess it is really two different things.

Last night was a bad night, this morning not much better. But then we had a lovely family lunch. They had to drive me to work this morning and DP hung out with the kids so all my work mates could see them and then we had lunch with a friend. DP and the kids headed over to one of the quads near the freshmen residences and DS played and ran around. It was a lovely lunch and nice to have the kids here.

A far cry from last night when I was certain that I could not take another thing. Of course that feeling is still there. There are moments when I am ready to just give up and give in to the evil depression monster. And then I look at the faces of my children and wonder how could I destroy their lives with my selfish actions and someone how I go on.

I wish this afternon could have lasted forever. No fighting, just laughter and fun.