Just when I think there is hope, something happens. Am I too sensitive these days due to hormones? How many times do I have to tell her to stop calling me at work to yell at me about whatever it is I've done wrong now. How many times do I have to say I have no privacy at work and I can not be on the phone listening to another tirade and fighting back the tears. Why is it okay for her to be tired and depressed and accomplish nothing, but not okay for me. When will she stop exaggerating? No she did not spend all day yesterday working on the floor in the bedroom. I was home. I saw her. She spent a total of an hour laying 3 strips of trim and about 3 floor boards. And it's still not done. I on the other hand got up at 6 am. Took out the dogs, took one to the vet, went to my appointment and got my shot, picked up the family, went to Walmart, came home and worked for 5:45 hours on work for my telecommuting requirement, picked up the dog, warmed up dinner, played with the baby, cleaned the kitchen, and wrote out 18 x-mas cards and talked to her niece on the phone for an hour because she was too tired to talk. She pissed and moaned about being sick.
And before the phone call just now I was going to write about some nice things.
But I know this already: this is my life if I stay. This is who she is. I'll never please her. I will always have some transgression, big or small. This is bipolar disorder. Highs and lows, rapid cycling at times. Here are my choices. Accept and Deal. Move on. Neither is appealing.
Baby girl is crazy active today. Sweet little thing.
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3 comments:
(((HUGS))) I wish I could tell you that everything was going to be okay. No matter what decision you make, it's a hard road. I'm thinking about you all the time and know I'm always here for you. (((HUGS)))
You WILL find the happiness you long for. I distinctly remember the misery I lived everyday and the fear that things would never be any different. I have had more joy, peace, and love in the last 10 years of my life than all the years preceeding those 10--combined. Yes, things can change, one way or another they can. I'm sorry for how you're feeling now, I remember it well and wish I had the power to make it stop. I'm with you in spirit and praying for your deliverance just as I prayed for my own. I wish I could be there to hug you right now.
I agree with pp... you will find happiness. Please know that I'm thinking about you. Try to keep yourself calm and do what's best for you and your children. Even if it means packing up and getting out. Lots of hugs to you.
~Becky
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