As the chasm widens
I fear falling
into the abyss
what awaits me below
is anyone's guess
there was a time
when i was certain
your loving arms
would break my fall
but now I must gather
the strength to land
on my feet
alone



Yesterday, in the fog of fatigue that is my life, I left the back deck gate open after I brought in the dogs and your little dog got loose when you put her out later in the day. A dog that predates us. The dog you rescued at just weeks old and bottle fed. Your anguish when you called me at work was like nothing I'd witnessed, save for the day you found out your father had died. The things you said to me cut through me and I bled like never before.

By the time I got home one of our other dogs and a friend had helped bring the little one home safe and sound and you had returned to a normal state of mind. But I knew that would be the case in front of our friend. You are a very cautious abuser and only twice has your abuse been witnessed in public - just recently in the parking lots of two different stores. I wonder if those strangers who stared wonder about me.

Today you are sweet but I know the monster that lies beneath. And I know now how I compare to the dog.