Bad moods at night

Night time seems to be the worst. I'm tired from a long day at work and I just don't want to be bothered when I get home. I find myself close to tears and very frustrated and angry with DP. Last night as I was putting the dogs out I was venting and raging against her in my head, working on a whole list of things I hate about her and planning to write them all out in my blog. Some rest and the morning usually leave me calmer and feeling guilty about my feelings from the night before.

But there are still a few things I want to vent about. The first is the dishes. DP insists that I leave a clean sink. So before I go to bed at night or in the morning before work, I need to make sure that not only are there no dishes left undone, but that the sink is clean. Really, this is not too much of her to ask. It's important to have a clean house. I'm not saying it's not. But when I come home at night from work, not only are there the dinner dishes to clean up, but there is a sink full of dirty dishes from breakfast and ,lunch for DP and DS. Now how is that fair? Since she doesn't do anything else but watch the kid, couldn't she at least clean their dishes? But can't mention it. Things are so far gone in that department between us that all conversations dissolve into a battle of who actually does more. Or a back and forth of why should I do that because you don't do this.

Here's another one. Certain areas of the house are quite a mess due to all the remodeling. DP still has not finished the floor in our room so much of our stuff is being stored in our bathroom and the dining room. If she would finish the floor I would put it all away. But she claims she can't finish the floor until I clean everything. She wants me to clean and reorganize the stuff and then she will finish the floor and I can put it away. I say finish the god-damn floor and then I'll just put everything back - right?

But then I realized we have the opposite quirk. I can't clean when I am overwhelmed by clutter. And DP is a pack rat and we have a lot of clutter. But I'm realizing that DP can't work if things are not clean. So if I want the floor done, I'm going to have to do it her way, even though it involves quite a bit of extra time. I have to move everything out of the bathroom (side note - things are haphazardly placed in the bathroom and the dining room because this project was only supposed to take 2 days - I did not neatly organize it since I did not plan to have it this way for 4 months now) clean the areas we haven't been able to get to, put everything back neatly this time, wait for her to finish the floor and THEN I can put it all away where it belongs. Does that make any freaking sense at all? Not to me. And I just don't have the energy to deal with it.

I was looking around the house and seeing how DP is such a pack rat. I'm never going to have the house I want. I see pictures of other people's houses, so perfectly decorated and uncluttered. Gee how many times today can I say I hate clutter? It's much easier to clean without a lot of clutter. DP has too much of everything. We can't even park in the garage because it is full of tools and lawn things and stuff that has not been touched or used since we moved here. I could go on and on about it. Like the two bicycle seats in the upstairs closet. Or the video recorder from 1980 or the maybe 5 or 6 old cameras. Or the sealed soda can she found at work with nothing in it. It might be a collector's item some day she says. It is truly overwhelming the amount of stuff she saves. Little by little when I have the energy, I have been getting rid of so much of my stuff. But I'm not allowed to touch hers. Do you know we have over 20 wooden spoons? The kitchen is the worst. She will not get rid of anything and just keeps wanting more. We have 4 different sizes of rice pans. In the last 6 years we have used only one on a regular basis. We have mugs that she has been collecting since she first went to work in the early 80's. We have never used a single one. I could go on and on and on. I hate stuff, I hate clutter. I am going crazy in that house. It seems like such a small issue, but it's making me go insane.