Never say never

We had my mom over on Tuesday and can you believe it actually went pretty well? It started out awkward and DP was very cold, but then I finally got the courage to just start the conversation. I was so scared. There were alot of tears and my mom shared some more shocking stories of the past. The ugliness of our family, the dirty little secrets tear at me heart and soul. I am still feeling sick to my stomach and angry that I have to know it all now. I was so pround of DP - she remained calm and cool and collected. She was firm with her feelings but kind as well. She sure has a temper and can yell and holler with the best of them, but she really handled this with love and respect for me and for my mom too. It hurt alot, I'm not one to share my feelings with my mom and I had to dig deep to get it all out. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually think we are in a better place now. My mom is going to talk to her siblings and let them know that it is not their place to judge me and how I am handling things. I haven't reached a state of forgiveness now with my father and of course with his illness, will never be able to confront him. I should have done that years ago, but that is my fault for lacking the courage then. I did get some good insight from my mom and although I'm not sure we'll ever have a close relationship, I think we've been saved from the point of needing to cut off all contact. We didn't get to discuss everything as she had to get home to care for my father, but really, inspite of the additional ugliness I learned about, it had some good outcomes.

Work on the other hand is the same. But big boss did formally appeal my position placement and both bosses are backing my performance evaluation of troublesome employee as being fair and accurate. So let's see what happens - not sure if employee will take it further.

I need to get better nicknames for all the colorful characters in my life. Maybe initials? I still fear that someone in this big huge world will stumble upon this and know exactly who I am...probably a silly fear, but it's there all the same....hey my boss found our myspace page...so it IS possible!