Too much complaining

As was the case with my hand written journals, this blog is turning into more of a venting place then anything else. How sad when I go back and read and all I see are the complaints of my life and none of the joys.

I really enjoyed my time with DS this weekend. It was exhausting, but so nice to see every part of his day - the stuff I usually miss when I am at work. He's into everything! He "helped" me swish the brush around the toilet bowls - ha, wait my DS, soon you will find it to be a chore!! But for now, at 2, cleaning the toilet is fun! He had his 2 year old check up yesterday - only one shot - yay! The dr. is concerned still about his lack of talking. DP says she is not concerned. I am. He barely talks, just babbles. Yet he passed the autism screening again - so that's good right? Something just really bothers me about his delayed speech. I mean he understands everything you say to him in both English and Spanish and he follows commands. He just doesn't talk. I'm honestly worried about what goes on at home. I think DP lets him watch too much tv. She has it on all day. I don't think she spends enough time teaching him things.

Okay, this is turning into complaints again. But I guess it's the truth. I have alot of questions and concerns and I'm afraid to break up with DP. Afraid of being alone, afraid what she will do. Wondering if I really do love her or not. So many questions.

I think it's time to consider a part-time program for DS - like a church pre-school or something a couple of days a week. I'm so afraid we are hurting him and not helping him grow. I'm feeling like a bad parent today!