Thanks for the support and advice Tammy and Shari! Just as I said, by the end of the day DP was over that tirade and we were fine until the next meltdown last night over the situation with my mother. I think therapy for both will be a good idea - I have done quite well in the past with it. DP has been to therapy in the past but it was not good - she refuses to change and refused to talk about the real issues. We've never been to couples therapy. It would be a huge strain on the budget but I guess we are worth it - I'll have to give it more thought.
DP is refusing now to allow my mom to see the baby and his birthday is this weekend. I am in such a hard place. It's more than I can even write about. I don't have time to explain it all. Suffice to say it is a big mess.
On a positive note - I want to be Fit at 40 pals with Shari. I turned 39 this year too and I'm tired of being fat. I used to be skinny and healthy and it's time to get back to that. I started walking on the treadmill on Monday. I'd love to do weight watchers, but again, on one income the budget it too tight. All our extra money is going to fixing up the house - and I have to do it otherwise I'll never be able to sell it - some of the animals have been rough on the place! If DP ever does leave, I've got to be able to at least get enough to pay off the mortgage and possibly the car. Anyway, I binge eat when I'm upset and since I am stressed 24/7 it is hard not to stuff my face. I used to throw it up all the time, years ago, but that landed me in the hospital twice. Then I broke my foot and gained 40 pounds in 4 months and after that I've just binged and sat on my butt getting fat. Oh pregnancy added another 40 pounds which I did not lose. So anyway, I still have the clothes in the closet that go with a skinnier me and I want to be that person again. I will need to lose about 100 pounds to do it - there's another 30 or so on there from just plain stress of the last 10 years of my life. Gosh 100 pounds gained since 2000. It's hard to look at pictures and think that before I went in the hospital in February of 2000 I was 125 pounds and running 7 miles a day and training for the Boston Marathon - my goal for turning 30. And now here I am pushing 40 and I'm fat and slow and still unhappy.
So it is time to make a change. I hope I've left the obsessions behind and can lose weight without starving, purging and over excercising as I did in my younger days. It takes alot of effort to do all that crazy stuff.
I have to do reviews today for staff. I hate it. Troublesome employee will not like theirs - it won't be the best marks. And it looks like I got the brush over on the job placement - HR gave a half-hearted response and I don't know what bosses are going to do. All this stress and headache for nothing by means of recognition and compensation. Oh well, more later....
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3 comments:
Therapy is awesome. I was one of those who said she would never go...I thought it would label me as "crazy". Now, I don't know what I did without it. I would highly recommend it. Everyone needs a little help sometime in their life.
Hang in there sweetie!
DP said she wouldn't ever go to therapy either and she didn't for a LONG time. Her cancer diagnosis brought her to the point of going. First to the psychiatrist that I was already seeing and she got antidepressants from her and she really talked her into the therapy part and took her knowledge of DP to recommend someone she thoguht would be a good match. DP had been through so many other kinds of docs by this point that if the therapist had not been a good match, she would NOT have shopped around until she founf one who did fit. Luckily, she was an awesome fit and DP has seen her weekly for just about 3 years now.
We do not go to couples therapy We both see a therapist, but separately. I have to pay $18 every time I see mine, so I only go every other week. DP has a Medi.care supplement in addition to her medi.care, so she doesn't pay anything. So she goes every week.
The change in DP did not happen right away, but there has been a definite change in her. She does not snap at me all the time the way she used to. And she recognises when she is upset about something else and is just taking it out on me and she'll say that and remove herself.
About the weight loss, even though you are bigger than you want to be, don't forget to love your body for what it has done for you and for what you WANT it to do for you. It gets you where you need to go and helps you have fun with your son. Now you're going to give something back and help it get healthier.
I am trying to make my focus the health part and make it be abotu what i want to be able to DO, not look like. (For my daughter's sake.)
Good luck! Glad to have you along for the journey.
Holy cr*p, look how long my message is!
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