Where did this depression come from?

So for years I have suffered from depression. I think it started when I was 11 or 12 and I strongly believe that my "female" hormones have some effect on the "brain" hormones. I was diagnosed with PMDD in my early 30's. So in February of 2000 after a very stressful 2 years I had a nervous breakdown. I was coming to terms with being gay, working at a very stressful job, went on medication for my depression, had a bad doctor who over medicated me for a panic disorder. I was a mess to say the least. It took years of therapy and years of self determination. It wasn't always easy and I spent several years wallowing in depression and pity and barely leaving the house.



So fast forward to the present because there is just to much to write about the past...



I've done pretty well off medication for about 3 years or so. But I get easily overwhelmed and easily stressed. I get this horrible feeling, it's hard to put into words, but when it comes on, I just want to crawl in bed and sleep and hide. Anyway it's been creeping in over the past few months. Last night I was having chest pains and my heart was racing. I was thinking it was because of my poor health - overweight etc. But this morning, I recognized it for what it really is - the panic attacks are back. The way I am feeling right now is very much how I was feeling in 2000 and here and there since. But it has been well over 3 years since I've felt as bad as I do right now. There is just so much on my plate right now and I'm overwhelmed as to where to begin to clear it off!! I'm going to work on a list...lists have helped me so much, I think I mentioned that yesterday. It helps me focus, makes me feel good to see the accomplishments. I only did one of my tasks last night. I got very overwhelmed. I think I'm going to ask for Friday off to have more time to prepare for my family coming home.